Recently someone asked me if it was true that having your position eliminated and being told you are no longer employed evoked feelings similar to the death of a loved one.  Being laid off is definitely has some similarities and can certainly be devastating news but I don’t think it is the best analogy.  And I think most people who have dealt with the death of a loved one might be insulted to have that comparison drawn.

When a loved one passes the sense of loss can be debilitating for many.  Maybe they were sick for a long time and as a result, their death does not come as a shocking surprise.  But that doesn’t make it any easier.  The reality is that our grief is prolonged.  We grieve because we miss them and what they meant in our daily lives.  We grieve because of our memories.  When faced with a sudden death, we have to deal with the shock, the grief and the immediate need to make plans for something we had not expected.

What I’m feeling is more like the break-up of a long-term relationship when you suddenly realize, “he’s just not that into you.”  It is the blow to the ego and the loss of a major component of our identify.  Employment is one of the first three things we typically say when we introduce ourselves to someone new…”Hi, my name is Blank, I work at Blank Co.”  (Family situation and Alma mater are the other things we typically include in early introductions in my extremely informal poll.)  Similarly, when we are in a long-term relationship (dating or married), being a couple and being with that person becomes part of our identity…”Hi, my name is Blank, I’m Blank’s girlfriend/wife.”

 So, in my situation, we had been together for over 10 years.  Part of my identity is tied up with the company.  My youngest child has only known me working at this company and the thought of me working anywhere else just doesn’t make any sense to her.  So, I’m grieving the break-up of that relationship.  And besides grief, I have that feeling of “What do you mean you are breaking up with me?  What, I’m not good enough for you?”  It’s the emotional bruise to the ego more so than grief or anger or bitterness that has been the predominate emotion.

But there is a silver lining, light at the end of the tunnel and a cup half full of possibilities. As Scarlett O’Hara said, “After all, tomorrow is another day!”  Every situation and experience can make us a stronger and better person if we let it.  I know that I will be a more compassionate, empathetic and authentic leader as a result.  And I’m giving the journey my all.