Category Archives: Work

Posts related to the ups and downs and silliness that is work

When Two Jeans Were Too Many

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Early in my professional career, every day was “business attire”.   I don’t want to date myself but for a woman business attire meant a dark suit (navy blue usually) with a skirt (no pants) and a jacket with large shoulder pads, pantyhose, dark pumps and a light-colored blouse with a floppy bow at the collar.

My first job after graduate school introduced the concept of “summer hours”.  We worked an extra hour Monday through Thursday and on Friday, we could wear “business casual” and leave at noon.   The HR people had to send around a memo to explain what “business casual” meant.   I’m pretty sure it did not include the skimpy white knit number with a mid-drift top and cutouts down the outside of the Capri pants that one young lady tried to wear to the office one Friday.  I suspect she wore the same outfit out on the Thursday evening before and probably never made it home to change.  In any event, the office manager (a matronly woman) snagged her heading over to her desk and sent her right back home before any of the executives (all men) saw her.  I’m not sure if this was for the young lady’s benefit of the rest of us that would surely lose the Friday “summer hours” for this one infraction.

The next place I worked did not have “summer hours” but was slightly more casual.  Pants suits and skirts with blouses and blazers more the norm.

My most recent employer was business casual all the time.  Which meant jeans and T-shirts to some people and suits to others.  For years, we always wore suits when we traveled to the corporate headquarters in NYC.  And, if a contingent from NYC was at out offices in the Midwest, we’d wear suits as well.

At the time I owned two pair of jeans.  Well actually four.  Two I could fit into.  One pair were my “skinny” jeans which I could fit into on certain days but was never really comfortable in them.  And one other pair that were my “incentive” jeans.  They were there to motivate me to exercise more and diet so that I could fit into them.  (I never did wear those jeans and recently gave them away in a clothing drive because I was just kidding myself and better that someone else could get some use out of them.)   And so, I essentially had two pair of jeans.  And that was more than enough.  I traveled a fair amount on business, often over a weekend.  And half the year, on the weekends, I would be in shorts or Capris.  So two pair was plenty.  Especially because I don’t really have a jeans body.

But over the past year, things got more and more casual at work.  While Monday  Thursday was “business casual” for most executives (Dockers for the gentlemen and skirts or dresses for the women), when Friday rolled around, everyone pulled on a sweater and a favorite pair of jeans.  Executives essentially adopted their own “casual casual” Fridays.  And I discovered that even though it’s not the best look for me, I really like jeans.  With a nice sweater and boots or flats.  You can dress them up or down as the mood strikes you.  And so long as it’s not my “skinny pair”, they are comfortable.

 

 

Resolution

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Whenever I hear of a friend, colleague, family member or acquaintance that is going through some kind of rough patch, I resolve to always reach out in some way to let that person know that someone is thinking of them and they are not alone.

I was recently informed that my position was being eliminated.  I am so grateful and touched by all the wonderful people who have said something encouraging to me in the hallway, stopped by my office or dropped me an email or left a voice mail message just to let me know they are thinking about me and in many cases pledging offers of assistance or propping me up by saying that they were shocked when they heard the news.  Something so little, so simple and it means so much.

I know that most people are uncomfortable and because they don’t know what to say, they end up not saying anything at all.

With experience and empathy comes wisdom.  I resolve to always reach out.

End of a Relationship

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Recently someone asked me if it was true that having your position eliminated and being told you are no longer employed evoked feelings similar to the death of a loved one.  Being laid off is definitely has some similarities and can certainly be devastating news but I don’t think it is the best analogy.  And I think most people who have dealt with the death of a loved one might be insulted to have that comparison drawn.

When a loved one passes the sense of loss can be debilitating for many.  Maybe they were sick for a long time and as a result, their death does not come as a shocking surprise.  But that doesn’t make it any easier.  The reality is that our grief is prolonged.  We grieve because we miss them and what they meant in our daily lives.  We grieve because of our memories.  When faced with a sudden death, we have to deal with the shock, the grief and the immediate need to make plans for something we had not expected.

What I’m feeling is more like the break-up of a long-term relationship when you suddenly realize, “he’s just not that into you.”  It is the blow to the ego and the loss of a major component of our identify.  Employment is one of the first three things we typically say when we introduce ourselves to someone new…”Hi, my name is Blank, I work at Blank Co.”  (Family situation and Alma mater are the other things we typically include in early introductions in my extremely informal poll.)  Similarly, when we are in a long-term relationship (dating or married), being a couple and being with that person becomes part of our identity…”Hi, my name is Blank, I’m Blank’s girlfriend/wife.”

 So, in my situation, we had been together for over 10 years.  Part of my identity is tied up with the company.  My youngest child has only known me working at this company and the thought of me working anywhere else just doesn’t make any sense to her.  So, I’m grieving the break-up of that relationship.  And besides grief, I have that feeling of “What do you mean you are breaking up with me?  What, I’m not good enough for you?”  It’s the emotional bruise to the ego more so than grief or anger or bitterness that has been the predominate emotion.

But there is a silver lining, light at the end of the tunnel and a cup half full of possibilities. As Scarlett O’Hara said, “After all, tomorrow is another day!”  Every situation and experience can make us a stronger and better person if we let it.  I know that I will be a more compassionate, empathetic and authentic leader as a result.  And I’m giving the journey my all.

 

Network Isn’t Work

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Years ago, several enterprising executive women at the company I work for, decided to start a women’s networking group.  I was asked to be a founding member, though we called ourselves “charter members” because “founding” sounded too old and stodgy and colonial.  I was at first, skeptical.  Yes, I think of myself as a career oriented working mother but I’m no Gloria Steinem.

Well, we got this group off the ground.  We had about 20 charter members from across the company and across the country.  We’d meet face to face a few times a year and had conference calls every month.  We established a charter and guiding pillars.  We had a platform and we made a difference.  And eventually we turned the reigns over to other women leaders in each of our local chapters.

And I learned some amazing lessons from these amazing women, those who started the group and those who have taken it over and grown it.  You don’t need a lot of structure to get things done…you just need a common purpose.  The busiest people are often the ones who can take on more.  The higher you go in an organization, the more you need a cadre of trusted advisors who will give you the straight scoop.  And, the most important of which is that a network isn’t work, it’s a net.