What happened to the gold old days when “time out” or the mere mention of “time out” was enough to stop all squabbling, whining, temper tantruming, disobedience, and back talking?  Time out even worked on most dinner table disagreements excepting lima beans and Brussel sprouts — for my kids’ young palates, being sequestered for hours on end was worth it if it meant they didn’t have to finish those particular vegetables.

When our children were younger, I noticed a marked difference between my husband and I regarding how we approached discipline.  On the one hand, I thought my husband had the right idea.  At the first sign of disobedience he would intervene, making it clear to our children that were they to continue on their current chosen and obviously flawed course of action there would be consequences.  Very often dire consequences.  So, while I admired that he clearly made the kids masters of their own destiny; for example, “if you continue talking back, we won’t be going to the pool,” I often felt the punishment did not fit the crime.  Usually a loss of pool privileges was not what was at stake, rather we were not going to go on vacation if they didn’t pick up their room when told.  Not exactly a reasonable or realistic punishment.  But at least it was their choice, they were in control.  They were making a conscious decision to continue doing the bad wrong aggravating thing they were doing.  Another issue with my husband’s style was lack of follow through.  Let’s just say we never stayed home from vacation.

I, on the other hand, prided myself in being the enlightened parent.  My punishments were commensurate with the misdeed.  I was fair and balanced.  I gave the kids a chance to weigh in with what they thought was a reasonable punishment.  I was the poster child for every child rearing guru who ever had a best-selling book.  Or so I thought.

But the reality is that I wasn’t any of those things.  I was, and occasionally still am, a screaming me me (or is it screaming mi mi?).  And as far as helping the children learn when they had overstepped the boundaries between good and bad behavior, well, I didn’t actually help them that much.  See I thought I was even-keeled.  And I was up to a point.  And then, Boom!  Off the cliff!  They never saw it coming.  Out of nowhere from the depths of my being would erupt a ferocious “SSSTTTTOOOOOPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

Lovely.  I’m so proud.

But they say self-awareness is the first step in recovery.  That and the kids growing older and wiser.

And with age, “time out” has turned into “time without”…when necessary (which is extremely rare) the threat of a loss of an electronic gadget privilege works wonders.

But as I said, the need to voice a warning has become increasingly infrequent.  At least someone in the family is maturing.