Tag Archives: zerotohero

Why Can’t My Kids Change a Roll of Toilet Paper?

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Before you get too grossed out, rest assured, they will get a new roll of toilet paper from under the sink when the old one runs out.  But apparently there is a great deal more effort involved to actually complete the process than they are capable of.

When they were younger, I never noticed this competency gap with my children because, well, because I changed the toilet paper roll for them.  Even after they had been reliably potty-trained and were taking care of business on their own, I changed the toilet paper just like I changed the sheets and the towels and anything else that needing changing and tidying.  And then it struck me that changing a roll of toilet paper was a task that given a not too complicated holder, even a young child could master.  In our house, there is only one toilet paper holder that is difficult to use and even I am tempted to leave a fresh role on the back of the toilet out of frustration when the rod keeps popping out of the grooves and goes “sproinging” onto the floor.

So, several years ago, we had a lesson in how to replace an empty roll of toilet paper.  We covered the basics:

  1. Push in on one end of the rod to make it smaller so it pops out of the grooves,
  2. Remove the empty roll and place it in the waste basket,
  3. Take a new, clean roll from under the sink,
  4. Slide it onto the rod,
  5. Get close to the holder and push in one end of the rod so that you can fit it back in the grooves,
  6. Line the rod up with the grooves (while still holding the end in),
  7. Release your grip on the end of the rod so that it returns to regular length and the little prong parts extend into the grooves in the holder

All three of my children tried the step by step process and I’m proud to report that they all mastered it in all the bathrooms except the one with the challenging holder.  We didn’t even try on that one.  And I figured we’d stick with the basics for years.  They were children for heaven’s sake and didn’t need to learn the advanced techniques such as whether or not the paper should roll off over or under the roll.

Early on, they seemed to enjoy these “big kid” responsibilities.  But somewhere along the way, the excitement and novelty wore off.  And now, despite the success of those early lessons, my daughters are unable to replace a roll of toilet paper.  When one roll is empty, they will get a new roll from under the sink and leave it on the back of the toilet, on the floor, propped on the old roll or balanced on the lid of the waste basket.  No amount of teasing, needling, nagging, punishing or yelling has changed this behavior.  I’ve timed it and we are talking another 6 seconds max to actually put the new role in the holder.   I’m sure it is possible that they are doing this as a game to push my buttons.  But I think instead that they are caught forever in sibling score keeping “I changed it last time, it is your turn” or “I wasn’t the one who finished the roll” (Note that indeed there are a few torn shreds still clinging to the cardboard roll — these are the same people who leave a thimble full of milk in the carton so that they don’t have to get another gallon of milk from the garage refrigerator.

Don’t Wash Your Car When You Have to Pee

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Yesterday I was on my way home from meeting a girlfriend for coffee.  My car was so filthy from all the snow and ice we’ve had lately I just couldn’t take it anymore.  I’m sick and tired of getting gunk and road salt on my winter coat.  I feel grimy every time I get in or out of my car.  I’ll never understand it but no matter how clean the interior might be, if the outside is dirty, the inside feels dirty.  But with the weather we’ve been having, the interior is just as bad — road salt, ice, rocks, leaves, mud, dust, dirt, sand and crumbs.  The crumb thing is another one of life’s mysteries…why are there more crumbs in the car in the winter?

Anyway, I decided the increasing pressure of nature’s call, I had enough time to get through the drive through car wash near my house.

And I did but it was torture!  Cycle after cycle of water and soap and more water and double bonded wax (how does that work on a wet car?) and more water going back and forth from the front to the back of the van.  Sometimes a hard spray.  Sometimes a gentle spray designed to leave no spots but it always looked and sounded like rushing water especially running down the front windshield.

I found myself focusing entirely on the digital display telling me about each step in the process.  And what exactly is “Spot Free Water”?  Is it different from regular water?  Wouldn’t it still spot if my car was covered in silk bunting?  Was I just trying to distract myself?

The overhead door couldn’t open fast enough.  The heck with my 60 seconds of industrial hair dryers for cars.  I had the Spot Free Water treatment so I was good to go!

Resolution

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Whenever I hear of a friend, colleague, family member or acquaintance that is going through some kind of rough patch, I resolve to always reach out in some way to let that person know that someone is thinking of them and they are not alone.

I was recently informed that my position was being eliminated.  I am so grateful and touched by all the wonderful people who have said something encouraging to me in the hallway, stopped by my office or dropped me an email or left a voice mail message just to let me know they are thinking about me and in many cases pledging offers of assistance or propping me up by saying that they were shocked when they heard the news.  Something so little, so simple and it means so much.

I know that most people are uncomfortable and because they don’t know what to say, they end up not saying anything at all.

With experience and empathy comes wisdom.  I resolve to always reach out.

Working Together

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My husband and I are spending a lot of time home together.  He is recovering from major surgery and I am, as they say, in transition.  My position was eliminated.  What we are finding is that my career transition is coming at a great time because, regardless of how much it pains him to admit it, he needs me to do things for him.

We find ourselves practicing the definition of insanity on a daily basis.  You know the one. It’s where you do the same thing over and over again but expect different results.

My husband has always been very active and physically fit in his daily life.  He’s a general contractor and has been his entire life.  He can add fractions faster than any calculator on the planet.  Now, while I try to get on the elliptical every day, I have a desk job.  I have a Master’s degree and like to think of myself as relatively smart.  But when something minor is broken around the house and he is talking me through the repair, not only do I feel physically at a loss, but also incapable of understanding the simplest directions.  Or maybe he just stinks at giving instructions.

Here’s an example of a recent exchange…

Him:  “You need to push Up on this end”

Me:  pushing in the direction that most seems like “Up”.

Him:  “No, you aren’t pushing Up.  You have to push Up.”

Me:  pushing a little harder in the same direction that I thought was “Up”.

Him:  “You aren’t listening.  I said to push Up.  Push Up.”

Me:  stopping for a second, taking a deep breath and resuming pushing in the same direction.

Tomorrow will be the one week anniversary of his surgery.  And to think we only have five more weeks to go!

Slow Down

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Slow is…

Waiting for a call when he says “I’ll call you”

Waiting to see if the pregnancy test is a plus or minus

Waiting to hear his first cry

A deep well-worn recliner, soft throw covering legs, feet in slouchy wool socks and slippers, cradling a sleeping infant

An animated movie for toddlers that you didn’t want to see and played “Rock, Paper, Scissors” with your husband to see who would go

Practicing math facts at the kitchen table

Refusing to eat dinner because you don’t like it even though you haven’t even taken a bite and it’s getting cold but you aren’t going anywhere until you take a bite and everyone else is finished and the dishwasher has already started

A holiday concert of first time musicians

The last three days before Christmas

The last three days before Summer vacation

Traffic when you are running late and need to pick your child up from practice

A roast that refuses to reach temperature even though your guests have been there for hours

Going there…returning is always faster

Watching the patient number board in the surgical center waiting room to see your husband’s number move from Green/Procedure to Blue/Recovery

Following someone using a walker after hip replacement surgery

Sitting together before dawn, sipping coffee and waiting for the pain medication to take effect

 

Backseat Driver

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My husband recently had hip replacement surgery.  He’s relatively young for the procedure but was in such intense pain and getting virtually no relief from medication, there really was no choice.

Well, the plan was that he was going to be released from the hospital today.  I went to the hospital early today to be there for his physical and occupational therapy sessions.  I wanted to know everything about his recovery exercises and how they wanted him to get in and out of a chair so I could provide the right kind of physical support and reminders once he was home.

We decided he would ride in the back seat of our car for the ride home.  So, one of the things they had him practice was how to get in and out of the back seat using a trash bag on the seat to help him scoot across the seat.

And for some reason, once he was in the back seat, he seemed to think he was required to critique my driving ability.

When we ride in a car together, he does the majority of the driving.   I’ll take my turn at the wheel during long road trips and if he needs me to drop him off when his car is being serviced.  And, for the most part, when I’m driving, he keeps his mouth relatively shut.  But on this trip home from the hospital he had a comment on nearly every block.  “Why are you breaking?”  “Why are you in this lane?”  “You can go faster, you know.”

I counted to ten and held my tongue and decided that the critiques weren’t really because of my driving.  I decided that he knows for the next six to eight weeks, he’s going to have to rely on me and the kids at a level he’s not accustomed to and which makes him uncomfortable.  He, the man who always takes care of everyone else, is now the one who needs the care.